Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Blow Me

This week I'd like to salute Lord Bono of U2 for his sterling humanitarian charity work. For years and years, Bono has been banging on about the injustices of the world, and I suppose he's really only won me round this week with his latest bout of conscience-prodding. I'm referring of course to the leaked Facebook photos of him frolicking around with two 19-year old hotties. Talk about being 'Stuck In A Moment You Can't Get Out Of'.










Now, knowing Saint Bono, there's got be a good reason for all this. Maybe the bikini's themselves are the source of the issue. Perhaps 1% of their proceeds will go to solving some world crisis and Bono is testing a new advertising campaign for it - "Drop your knickers" rather than "Drop The Debt", or something.

Maybe the 2 girls are orphans, Bono is acting as an über-father figure and they just happen to be 19-year old 'hardbodies' (to quote the oft-unquoted Patrick Bateman). If this is true, and His Royal Bono-ness is merely taking the 2 poor things under his wing (in St. Tropez, as they sit on his knee) then surely he should be honoured for his altruistic behaviour. He even looks like he's praying in this one:










Bono has always been against the onslaught of Aids. The U2 song 'One' is rumoured to be about Aids, and a few years ago he was spokesman for that stupid red mobile where a tiny fraction of the proceeds went to Aids victims. So, maybe these photos are his special way of warning today's teens from the dangers of the HIV - 'do as I say and not as I do' and all that.

Still, he's totally my hero now. I'm just dissapointed that the rest of the band aren't in the photo. We could have had the drummer and the bass player standing in the background looking moody while another bikini-clad girl squats on top of The Edge's big bald head.

Instead, we get professional Bono-hanger-on Simon Carmody mugging the background. His pose seems to have been taken from a Carry On film - as though he is saying "Not arf..." or "Ooo Matron" - which lends the photo a certain comedic quality.

Bono's exploits will probably soon be followed by his underling and general-all-round Bono-wannabe Chris Martin. Perhaps, the Coldplay singer will take Bono's lead and warn against the perils of sex also. He could be a bit more specific and present a series of videos warning against the dangers of Golden Showers and Watersports - all set to one of the band's biggest songs:














"...and they were all yellow...".